Thursday, September 16, 2010


My sight has just been abused, assaulted, taken undue advantage of because
I don't have the power to discriminate against what I see.
Rather I see first and can subsequently decide whether to look away
or remain my eyes on what ever object has caught my fancy.

The grudge I bear today is against the flabby upper arms, the saggy/sagging ones,
the bingo wings, equally referred to as Christian mother arms, those arms that neither the designers at
Gucci nor prada visualise when putting pencil to paper.

I am sure you can tell that I am truly miffed. Alas I am.
Forgive me if you have been blessed (saddled) with a pair or a unit of the much dreaded bingo wings(due to one accident or another) but my only words of comfort are please darling put them away. NOW!!!!
Really there is no justification for exposing them.

There I was minding my own business when this apparition became a reality before me.
Massive arms spewing forth from the tiniest fluorescent orange tank top i have seen in ages.

I grabbed my phone and called the fashion police but they were not forth coming.
What could I do save grin and bear it for the next minute that lasted longer than an eternity. Finally I was saved. They moved out of my line of sight. But my anterior cingualate had been damaged for life.
Even as I write they loom on my screen threatening to suffocate/squeeze the last breathe out of me.
I am tempted to stop writing but I MISSPUMPING will not go down without a fight.

I know the mantra these days is big is beautiful, my personal opinion is that this mantra does not extend to this part of the body. In fact I am boldly stating categorically here, that it is the bosoms and derriere that come to mind of the believers of the mantra.

A famous fashionista said in an interview that any woman over thirty five need not expose her upper arms (of course except she is Michelle Obama) as the chances are by this age they have started to wilt or become ridden with stretch marks and/or cellulite (no amount of diligent application of bio-oil will deliver them of the ravages of life)or one is a model in which case there is no other option .

I disagree with this fashionista and my position on the matter is that once you reach certain age and or weight. (One tends to know when one gets to such a stage) please keep the upper arms away. In the future you will be glad you did.

I personally am only interested in what is in your brain, sometimes your pocket. However without any shadow of doubt, your handbag and or shoes are sure to make an indelible impression.


Myne Whitman said...

I have Bingo arms and I'm going to sue to the Plus people's court, lol...

Anonymous said...

Hilarious as ever where have you been

Omotee! said...

On point! Some things are just meant to be covered.

thanx for stopping by mine.

tobenna said...

Christian mother arms huh!
Is that a compliment or diss?
Try telling that to my momma and see if you can avoid the ensuing slap...
So men have pot bellies and women have Christian Mother Arms.